H. Blackworth's Diary

Delivering Finland's web 'human right'

THAT FINNISH ACCENT. It's the ugliest accent EVER, nothing sounds more horrible than Finns talking bad English. Oh Jesus!

Now the country's going even further - by 2015 every household must be within two kilometres of a fibre optic cable supplying superfast broadband running at 100 megabits per second.

I live here and I have not heard of this promise. Internet access - human right? Finland - nerds' promised land..

March and marticulation examinations are drawing closer and closer, and I still haven't properly studied to them. Tomorrow will be taking a History test on Finnish history before the times of Russian rule, and been studying and sleeping this day (skipped the last lesson of Swedish, bad bad me!). Now after my one hour nap I decided to livejournal a bit before I go back to studying. Why I opened my laptop in the first place had a perfectly good reason which does NOT mean that I'm lazy. I had to Wikipedia the differences between the Russian Empire, Soviet Russia, the Soviet Union and Russian Federation. Mixing the meanings of those means massive FAIL in the big exams, so I wrote them down, shortly, and put them next to my bed so I can see them right before I go to sleep. I should maybe do the same thing to Swedish grammar too...

But now I am here, spamming your friends page. Alright, what was I going to rant about. Right! I bought a documentary box recently. The documentary box I was talking about about week ago, the documentary on the first world war. I have watched two DVDs out of five, and... oh God damnit, it's a horrible thing to watch. I get more sad and angsty over the horrors in trenches of the first world war than I do over the Holocaust! During some parts it was almost hard to breath, I swear. The gas attacks, young and naive soldiers not knowing shit about war being slaughtered the first second they get to the battlefield, the horrible but so very correct translation of "trench" in Finnish ("juoksuhauta"; juoksu meaning run, and hauta meaning grave. Just how describing is that)... Horrible, horrible war. That's why I can't watch but one episode at a time, and then talk about it with someone (this is where Elina proves her golden value). Then change the subject.

Today in school we were taught about the war in Vietnam, and I'm getting the same kind of reaction over it. I was on the edge of tears in class. But then again I have been on the edge of tears many times today, and for simple reasons. Hormonal stuff, I suppose.

Sent the story Lepattajat to Elina and it'll be in her hands by Thursday, if everything turns out well. School also starts on Thursday and goddamn I'm not interested for the slightest bit - only about the History course, for it's about the Cold War and its conflicts. Eija got me a book about the war in Vietnam for Christmas present and I think I'll have to bring it to class some day. The book is also in English, which is great, I'll broaden (it's not a word, is it?) my vocabulary greatly with it. I really need to know a lot more about the Cold War if I'm going to take the marticulation examination of History in March. I know a lot about the history of Finland (after middle 1850's, that is), the World Wars - will have to buy a documentary about the Western Front; I'm very interested about the battle in Passchendaele, Flanders Fields, Somme, Ypres etc etc (yes I got interested because of Blackadder), and the documentary box costs only 14,95€ which is less than most single DVD films cost - but about Cold War, not that much. I am not so well aware of the issue of Berlin and Berlin Wall, the wars in Korea and Vietnam. I'm not even sure what Che Guevara did.

I also have to do some background work regarding to my new story that takes place in 1950's France. I'll have to do some research on French culture in general, and refresh my memory on my little knowledge of French language that I have. Why in 1950's France? Why not in 2000's Finland of which I happen to know a lot more? Well, simply because I created the other main character around a French name, Dauphin. No, he's French. And 1950's simply seems like an interesting decade. The main characters are (of course) homosexuals, so I will have to deal with that issue too, in that atmosphere. The character of Dauphin is already very clear in my head, he just needs a conflict, some contradictions in his nature that makes him interesting. And I know already what he looks like - he looks like Sylvester Groth in my mind. No, this isn't "stupid fangirlism" though he has acted a character called Dauphin and he is a gorgeous man, but he just looks very inspiring to me and Dauphin Frédéric Rufus will be nothing like Dauphin in the film The Third Wave.





At least I find him very gorgeous. Of course, my Dauphin will be French and younger than this Dauphin. But he looks like Groth in my mind, and I can't get rid of it. It isn't that bad, anyway, is it; I will not go describing him like "he looked like Sylvester Groth from Inglourious Basterds 8D", but with some features that are most characteristic to Groth's outlook; well-shaped lips, blue eyes, grayish-brown hair. And no, the other character will be nothing like me, so I sign myself out of creating Mary Sues and Gary Stus. Why do I always have this urge to explain myself even though I really don't have to?

Anyway. I think, if I get enough inspiration and a good beginning sequence, this might turn out to be a good short story - or even a novel! Who knows. I haven't tried to write a novel yet, I have been focusing on poetry, shortest of short stories (all of them mostly horror), fanfiction and stuffs, but writing a novel about love and affection and getting rejected by the whole society seems like an interesting idea to have a try on. I should buy a new writing pad and begin writing - I have drabbled some of the beginning of the story on OpenOffice but I enjoy writing a lot more when I am writing by hand. I don't know why. I enjoy the feeling when pencil flows on paper and the rustling of paper is very soothing. Whenever I feel stressed or sad or angry, I just begin writing by hand and just the sound of it calms me down immediately. And even though the people who can actually read my handwriting are very rare a species, I happen to like my own handwriting.

My sleeping rhythm sucks. I went to sleep 8 A.M. and woke up 6 P.M. Ten hours of sleep, sheesh...

Happy new year to you all! I think I should come up with a little summary of the last year of my decade. Things that happened and things I might have not mentioned in my journal before. Maybe I should promise to update a bit more often, because I have nothing to write in English right now.

- I met Elina via Livejournal, and noticed that she too is interested in Nazi Germany and knows a lot more about it than me. She was obsessed of Joseph Goebbels much before I was, and she dragged me with her to that obsession. Together we have found out a lot about the leading figures of the Third Reich, she has inspired me to write approximately two hundred pages of Nazi slash, and with her I have come up with the most entertaining mental images. We have also talked and fangirled a lot over Vladimir Putin and Dmitry Medvedev, and of course, paired them. Our relationship is a lot more than that, of course, though we live about 700 kilometres from each other. I could already say that she is a dear friend of mine.

- I visited London. And I want to go there again.

- I fell in love. And though we ended our relationship (that lasted about three months) about three days ago, I can still say that I will get over this much sooner than I got over my first girl friend, over whom I cried for almost one and a half years. The bitter feelings and anger will come, of course, but I think of my time with her with the warmest feelings and after a little time we will be friends. I can't afford to lose a golden person like her!

- I participated in two live action role playing games, one of which was about Spain's civil war. I really enjoyed my character, Modesto Flores, who was a self-proclaimed ladies' man who had got a bullet through his left side. The whole game was interesting, the suspense was great, and I got to know a certain someone a bit better.

- Inglourious Basterds. Enough said.

- I did a lot of things related to theatre. Three plays in one year, that is pretty much! I liked doing them all, except for the diploma work in drama and theatre, that was a pain in the neck. I learned a lot about acting this year.

- Became obsessed of Charles S. Chaplin. Enough said?

- Got to know and became a fan of a lot of new bands and artists; The Tiger Lillies, Rammstein, Max Raabe und das Palast Orchester...


And all in all, I think I have grown a lot as a human during this year. I celebrated my 18th birthday, but it's not just that. I learned a lot about history, politics, but also people around me and my relationships with them.

Happy new year 2010 to you all!

Christmas Eve tomorrow, and I've managed through December without too much Christmas-related stress. I bought presents this Sunday and gave them on Monday to my friends. I really like giving presents, especially when I see the receivers' reactions. I gave my fellow Arsène Lupin- and Sherlock Holmes-freak friend a collection of Lupin-stories, and she loved it. I gave my girl friend Eija a thick book about astrology and her reaction was most heart-warming. And so on and so on. I love to choose gifts that have a meaning or that my closest ones truly wish for, or something very personal like a poem or a drawing.

I have also received some presents myself - Elina gave me Nazi-illustrated playing cards that she had made with her own hands. Me and Eija played with them for a long time, until we were too tired. It was, after all, 3:00 A.M. or something. But playing with those cards is just hilarious; "I'll just throw this Goebbels on top of Hitler and take a card.. Fuck! I don't need Rommel right now!" Jenna and Oona gave me a present they had bought me together; a book about Operation Valkyrie, or the Conspiracy of July 20th (1944), the plot to kill Hitler. The book is written by the same people who have written the biography of Goebbels I read some months ago. So it's bound to be good and interesting.

So, for I live with my parents still, I spend my Christmas with my family, watching The Snowman, eating a lot of delicious food, decorating the Christmas tree etc. etc. So, merry Christmas to all of you!

Eurgh, been skipping a lot of lessons this week due to my own laziness and frustration. The Christmas Holidays are approaching, I'll be free from school until Saturday, but still I don't like the rest of the days we have at school. Marticulation examinations are coming nearer and I'm not even stressing, YET. I shall be having the exam on Swedish, Finnish and History at spring. Finnish'll go fine, I am a good writer, and I am very motivated to get a good grade from History, but Swedish... I hope I won't completely fail it. Jag kan inte tala svenska så väl.

My friend Elina went to Berlin today and won't be back until Monday. She went to the city of her dreams for the third time and it made me long after London. I look outside and I see a beautiful Finnish snowy winter scene, but still I would love to go to England for a longer period of time. Fuck, how many times have I already written about this? Probably hundreds of times, really. I have this little seed of a plan in my mind; next year my girl friend will be doing her military service, so I would have a lot of time in my hands. What if I got a job for summer and autumn, saved the money and went to Britain for a few days next December? Spent my New Year there? I need someone to travel with me. Oh well, just a plan.

Yesterday I finished the story I've been working on almost for two months. Now I'll just have to type it on computer. Fffffuck it'll be frustrating!

In my last update I ranted about not being cold and icy here. Well. Now it's about eighteen sub zero Celsius degrees here. It's cold and it pinches noses and cheeks, but if one dresses correctly, it won't be so bad. It will become -35C around Christmas. I've kind of been missing real cold weathers, since my family from my Father's side is from Lapland.

I have by the way declared two heroes of this decade. The man who threw his shoes at George W. Bush, and his colleague, the Italian man who threw the miniature of a Milanese church at Berlusconi! I heard it about an hour and a half after it had happened and I couldn't help smiling widely, that man really needed it! Okay, he won't learn anything of it and yes, the attacker will be in big trouble, but anyway. Violence isn't a solution but by Higher Power Of Your Choice we have to understand it sometimes!

I had a dream in which I sent a text message to charlycrash about something that I can't remember, and he replied with a long message all about Mary Sues. I was going to a party, apparently, and I was sitting on a very soft sofa. I can't remember anything else from the dream.

Today my friend normalityloser gave me a new and rather radical hairdo, I finally got a mohawk yay! Can't wait to see my parents' reactions.( Picture here )

The morning before yesterday I took a look from the window and first I thought that I was in London. Why? Because it was DARK AND RAINING. It's the beginning of December, it should be SNOW and ICE here but no, it's raining water and it's windy and not even cold ENOUGH, just a little bit! I hate global warming already.

Just wrote two essays in Swedish so I thought I would need something to write in English for a change.


I have many of them, actually. But to spare your friends page I'll just list some of them.

Rainbow - Stargazer
Loved this since forever, maybe. An eight-minute-long "suffering" with philharmonics, epic guitar solo by the legendary Ritchie Blackmore, epic lyrics and most importantly, bombastic and beautiful singing by Ronnie James Dio. The story this song tells is most captivating and it can be interpreted in numerous ways - it could be an allegory of Nazi Germany and Hitler, for instance. "Just to see him fly - but we don't know why." The way Dio sings them is something almost orgasmic, especially in the end when the climax begins, the violins begin to chant their melancholy chorus and Dio screams so heartbreakingly "My eyes are bleeding, and my home is lead ahead, but it's not home! It's not home. Time is standing still, would you give me back my will?" Every time I listen to it, shivers run through my spine. It's not difficult for me to say that Stargazer is the best song ever recorded in the history OR future of mankind.

Kumiko Noma - Lilium
I have never seen Elfen Lied, and I read the manga long after I heard this song. I have loved it since 2005 when I saw this animation called "Lilium". Oh well, I didn't immediately fall in love with the song, though I have always liked it. I began to fully understand the beauty of this just this spring and it has inspired me to write stories and poems and it has almost made me weep out loud. The lyrics are very beautiful. I can't tell why, but the part "O quam sancta, quam serena, quam benigna, O castitatis Lilium" always gets me.

Cinema Strange - Intermezzo: Bright Violet Euphoria
Beautiful instrumental piece. I just love the dreamy, mystic, almost melancholy atmosphere. I heard it for the first time just at this spring but Hell I still can raise this to be one of the best pieces of instrumental music in the world.

Jean Sibelius - Finlandia
Because I'm just that patriotic.


There are many, many more songs, but I hate this keyboard. Sorry.

Had Philosophy exam today and all I can say is LOL, LOL and LOL. I didn't really study because I understood almost nothing of it, simply because our teacher doesn't know how to teach. He brings articles and talks about interesting things, of which nothing is about the things we should be studying on the course! He has strong opinions and everything but sometimes it becomes so difficult to concentrate and focus on his classes because he's so... Well. Boring.

Not nearly as interesting as our History teacher, of who's exam I did not go to because I hadn't studied enough for it because of the concert of Deep Purple that was on Wednesday. It was awesome, though it wasn't nearly as good it was in the year 2007 when they came to Helsinki - this time they came to my home town you see. But I loved the way the started their gig with "Montagues et Capulets", and Don Airey played a short part of Finlandia during his keyboard solo.

I just told my Father that when I quit with the camp counsellor work in our Church, I will resign from the institution. I have told my parents that many times but now it seemed almost as a shock to my Father, who immediately asked if I did the decision by myself and used my own consideration. Err... Why would I resign from church because of others' opinions? I don't believe in the word of the Bible though the book contains some good wisdom, but why should I stay and pay taxes to an institution of which's beliefs I don't share? For Christ's sake. So to speak.

Recently Dad has been criticizing my other decisions as well. I have said that I want to go and study Theatre and he says I should go and study English. Of course I would love to study English! I would love to go to an university and study English Philology, but what profession will I end up at? English teacher? Sorry, but no thanks, I don't want to be a teacher. I would also love to research History and study it and oh the libraries of universities! But no. I would end up as a teacher. I don't want to teach, I want to study English, the accents and everything, and History, the World Wars and all that for my own fun, not for a profession, and of course because English is so well taught and known language in Finland, an English Philology student wouldn't have a good position when going to working life. There are too much of them. There are too many journalists also, so I won't go study Journalism either. The only thing that is left for a fair future is Theatre, and in Finland, actors don't have too big paychecks. It's also very difficult to get into the University of Theatre, Teatterikorkeakoulu.

Fuck, I don't know.